Speak up! Be quiet!
Look at me when I speak to you!
That is not what I said! Don't lie!
How many of the above are common in your ADHD family or classroom?
Here are some more of the daily rants ADDers are subjected to...
- You don't understand me
- Stop finishing other people's sentences...
- Wait your turn, stop interrupting!
- Don't turn your back on me! Don't roll your eyes at me...
- I have told you 10 000 times...
- He said, she said, you said...
- Don't give me the silent treatment!
- Your grammar and spelling are shocking... don't use slang... don't use SMS language...
- Your handwriting looks like a dogs breakfast!
There is that hoary old saying, "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never harm me". Whoever came up with that must have lived on a desert island with no one to communicate with ... and definitely not someone who has ADHD.
ADDers are high maintenance and our relationships are turbulent often because of our inability to communicate effectively.
What are the aspects of Communication that we look at in our ADHD Coaching and ADHD Training Courses?
Distraction is primary characteristic of ADHD. We are distracted internally and externally. We therefore don't hear everything and we jump to conclusions. We don't finish our sentences because we have said it in our heads and assume we have said it out loud.
Verbalising our thoughts
We may be compulsive talkers because we verbalise every thought.
We finish your sentences for you which means we aren't paying "focused" attention to what you are saying
We may battle to read or we may speed read. When we speed read we miss the details and the context. This is why ADDers should never sign contracts.
Multiple choice exams are very difficult for us. The options are often very similar and we end up guessing because we struggle to see the light differences in grammar or punctuation or telling the difference between negative and positive statements.
Along with poor social skills we don't read body language very well. We will not read the cues when people want us to stop talking or behaving in an over the top manner.
We brood using our very visual brains and eventually our frustrations build up and we have massive rage explosions totally out of proportion to an event.
Although this is by no means a diagnosis quite a good clue for us at LADD that someone might have ADHD is when they send us an e-mail. It is frequently a single paragraph with no punctuation, lots of spelling errors and interesting grammar. What the ADDer is doing is desperately trying to get all the information out that is thundering through their brain.
Paradoxically if ADDers have to read something that is written in this way they will give up. This is why we try to use short sentences, short paragraphs and lots of white space when we write our books and on our website.
We have various tools and techniques to help ADDers learn to communicate more effectively which gives them confidence and improved social skills both in personal relationships and in the workplace.