From being fired up and rarin' to go with our 2015 goals for Living ADDventure®, I woke up yesterday morning feeling slightly weepy. There was no reason for it and I kept trying to push it away.
Life is good, we have plans, we know where we are going ... we even have enough in the bank to cover our essential bills this month. So snap out of it girl, get up and get cracking, I kept muttering to myself.
After a good pep talk with myself I got out of bed, showered, dressed, made breakfast and sat down at my computer to work on my tasks I had scheduled for the day. Yet I just couldn't shake off this feeling of wanting to burst into tears.
As part of our goal setting plans, Dave and I who share an office have agreed we need to talk more, share more about what each of us is doing and keep each other motivated. I find this quite difficult. I hate interrupting him while he is busy and I am not very good at expressing my feelings verbally. We also both get wrapped up in our own stuff and working as a team is a new experience.
My task for the day yesterday, was to install and configure some major new software on a new website that we are working on. I have used this software before but there is one aspect I just cannot master. Even though I knew that we had agreed it was an essential part of the plan, because it was a big challenge for me I started questioning whether our decision was right or if it was just a waste of my time.
I felt useless and frustrated and just wanted to give up. This is very typical ADHD behaviour. When something is hard, we declare it boring, stupid and pointless. It is easier (we think) to move onto something else.
Now that we are working as a couple with common goals it is more difficult to just give up. So, instead of keeping quiet I told Dave how I was feeling. He passed me a short acting Ritalin and we took a walk to the shops to give me a change of scene as the medication did its work. Having done the Living ADDventure® ADHD Coaching Programme I don't use Ritalin all the time but take on when I need it. (or when Dave realises I need one!)
This did the trick. We talked through my fears and frustrations as we walked and when we came back I was able to try again with a more positive attitude.
This is the nature of ADHD. We are going to have mood swings, we are going to get bored and afraid but if we can stay focused on our goal we will get there.
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